I saw God last night. It was amazing! I’ve seen God work in my life many times – countless times. And I see God working through people all of the time. I’m always so grateful when I see the workings that comfort me or to teach me a great lesson; but this was different. After it happened, I was left in awe and very emotional without words to describe my feelings of the experience. At first, I thought that the feeling was unworthiness, but almost immediately dismissed it in search of another meaning – it was humility. I experienced the ultimate humility.
Minutes later, as I was trying to process the experience, still almost indescribably emotional in reaction, I recalled another time that a vision had accompanied an experience such as this. Only that time (when I was 23 years old) I was in the process of surrendering something that I’d done in my teenage years that I was not able to forgive myself for. And actually, surrender was the last thing I thought about at the time, but ended up being what it was.
I was alone and had been crying for about an hour, “knowing” I could never forgive myself. I had thoughts racing through my head of how I would be punished for my lifetime for the destruction that I had caused (that was me dealing with things with my “religious” God; not the one I came to know that day). When I finally looked up from having my head down in shame and uncovered my face from my hands that hid the self-loathing, I saw it. It was a vision in the glass of 3 spirits (or my interpretation of). The communication was of unconditional love – pure love – acceptance and forgiveness.
That day I understood…it was going to be OK. That I could let my burden leave me. That I could go forward to be the person that allowed others to make mistakes and still see the beauty in them – the good in them. That day I was humbled and experienced the pure love of God the universe. It took a vision to get my attention, unspoken communication to see my place and find my value and worth as a part of our oneness. From that day forward, I knew that I was in a loving world and amongst many loving beings. I was a significant part of this greater whole that I didn’t know anything about.
Last night was a little different. This time, I wasn’t crying, nor was I alone. This has been an extraordinary year in my life. One I have been working toward for a very long time. As I wrote the book, Mastering the Art of Feeling Good, I’d sought divine inspiration many, many times for the purpose of being led to convey a message in my writing that could be accepted and utilized by many for the purpose of understanding their own divine personal power and significance, and to find ways to add more joy in every day life in celebration of that acknowledgement. I knew we all deserved, in fact, are intended, to be able to enjoy that – the beauty that is our life.
Well, as it happened, I had gotten overwhelmed with the all of the opportunity that came rushing to me this past year. I was trying to hold it all together – do it all, with a constant need for help. With my background of workaholic tendencies and having been a business leader in Corporate America where you’re expected to do the job of 10 people by yourself, I was determined to get it done! At first I expected my family to accept it, after all it wouldn’t be forever. Not to mention that they were in the vision I held in front of me on a daily basis – so we were all to gain from my efforts. Unfortunately, this went on for several months and began to take its toll on everyone. For a while I couldn’t understand why my family couldn’t see what I saw – we just had to trudge through it to get to the other side.
Wow. Of course, everything came to a head and exploded. That’s what happens when something isn’t working – it breaks or explodes. It does this to make a way for needed change if resolution isn’t found along the way. So I have been going through a period of repair, personal inventory and examination of what happened, why and how to do things differently. My desire to fulfill my life’s purpose and be part of a wonderful family shouldn’t have to be at odds – and yet that’s what I had created – for a brief moment in time. That’s not being true to me, or to the people I love most.
Last night in the words of my partner, in this glow that surrounded his face, extending down around his heart, was the vision that I can only describe as the glow of God (spirit) telling me that even though I was lost (again), I was found – never haven given up on me. When I saw the light, and experienced this pure love, I knew everything was OK. I knew I learned the lesson that would allow me to be even more valuable to others on my journey.
I saw God last night, witnessed and experienced the pure love in forgiveness, care, trust and belief in me. I experienced the ultimate humility.
Thank you. Thank you for accepting that I’m human, that I make mistakes, and you love me anyway. And even though it was an extremely hard lesson to learn, thank you for showing me a better, more loving way.
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